Gratitude Vs. Gratuity

Navigating the world of tipping in the spa environment.

Do you believe that gratitude has a part to play in gratuities we give service professionals?

When asked why they leave tips, people most often reply that they tip to reward workers for services rendered.(1) I’ve asked myself lately if I’d rather receive a crisp $20 bill – or a heartfelt review, maybe even hand written note, saying how important I am and that my services and attitude are noticed and the recipient is thankful perhaps even the gift that keeps on giving, a client referral. My choice? The heartfelt words and referrals win every time. The extra cash is nice, but feeling good inside – well as they say that is priceless.

I myself have been in a place of pain upon which I had enough money to pay for a massage yet knew I would not be able to afford the often expected gratuity and oddly enough this would curb my decision to receive care that I desperately desired. I am not the only person to feel this phenomenon. People are socialized to feel anxiety when their relationships with others are inequitable; these dealings are distressing, so service customers attempt to maintain equity in their relationships with providers by leaving larger tips when they receive better service.(2)

My sentiment is that gratitude goes both ways—showing appreciation for kindness and returning it; and here’s what’s really important: At the center of gratitude is human connection. Without connection, appreciation tends to be emotionless, which moves us from gratitude to simply being courteous, sometimes from an obligatory stance.

As nouns the difference between gratitude and gratuity is that gratitude is the state of being grateful; while gratuity is a reward, service, or payment provided freely, without obligation. Though they can be embodied together they are not directly interchangeable.

So how did this confusing practice even take hold? Economists believe that tipping exists because it is the most efficient way of monitoring and rewarding the efforts of service workers.(3)(4) Despite the apparent obviousness of the "reward for service" explanation for tipping, there are good reasons to question its validity. First, researchers have demonstrated that people are poor at identifying the causes of their own behavior.(5) In many cases gratuity is given even in circumstances where the service was not on par or well below. Many tipped employees are paid a substandard wage, this fact has created social pressures on consumers to tip even when the service is bad.(6) In these cases customers walk away from the situation thinking: gratuity is no longer about gratitude. Were we thankful for the service provided? No. Has the provided service been such that we should be grateful for it? No. We simply felt bad for a fellow human who works in the service industry. At face value this may not seem like an issue, conventions shift between cultures and that is okay. However by providing monetary gratitude because it is a ‘practice’, you are allowing a person’s sense of work to have low standards.

There are five basic motives for tipping. Some people tip to show off. Some people tip to help the server, to supplement their income and make them happy. Some people tip to get future service. And then other people tip to avoid disapproval: You don’t want the server to think badly of you. And some people tip out of a sense of duty.(7)

Luckily for me, and my clients, I am able to structure my fee schedule much different than the average food server or spa worker to accommodate the wage I need without a dependency on customer gratuity to make my time profitable.

There is a lot of truth in the phrase, "The great compliment you can give is a referral." This truly is the gift that keeps on giving, and more over it demonstrates the trust you have in your service provider.

My earnest hope is that in my practice if someone chooses to express their gratitude expressed as gratuity comes from the heart and not from a place of obligation.

References:

1. Speer, T.L. (1997). The give and take of tipping

2. Lynn, M. & Grassman, A. (1990). Restaurant tipping: An examination of three “rational” explanations

3. Bodvarsson, O.B. & Gibson, W.A. (1994).Gratuities and customer appraisal of service: Evidence from Minnesota restaurants

4. Jacob, N. & Page, A. (1980).The Journal of Socio-Economics

5. Nisbett, R.E. & Wilson, T.D. (1977). Telling more than we can know: Verbal reports on mental processes. Psychological Review

6. May, J.M. (1978). Tip or Treat: A Study of Factors Affecting Tipping Behavior. Unpublished master’s thesis, Loyola University of Chicago

7. Michael Lynn:https://www.pbs.org/newshour/economy/why-do-we-tip